


Pondering Emotions

by Skyeec2



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Cloud Strife/Genesis Rhapsodos - Freeform, Cloud Strife/Rosso the Crimson - Freeform, Compilation post, Individual Chapters Vary, Other, Tumblr Post inspired fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyeec2/pseuds/Skyeec2
Summary: A series of fics based on some 'Soulless Sentence Starters' on Tumblr.





	1. Pondering a Lack of Feeling - Strifesodos

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do these one in a separate fic, just to have them all together despite the fact that their not all Strifesodos. I'm writing these between finished sections of other things so it'll most likely be finished by the end of the month. The first seven are done, because I decided to set this up at like 2AM.
> 
> Post DoC fic:  
> "I just don't understand how you feel certain ways"

Cloud turned to stare at the man sitting across from him, blinking at the carefully blank expression on the older man’s face.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked cautiously, watching as Genesis scoffed and turned away from him. Gesturing across Midgar with a sweep of his arm.

“How can you feel regret over this? Over all the minute things you do to irritate or worry everyone that cares about you?” Genesis’ voice was growing in volume and was starting to sound frantic. “How can you feel regret over something as _insignificant_ as forgetting which brand of whiskey Cid prefers and I can’t feel _anything_ about driving my best friend into _insanity_?!” Genesis turned to glare at him, glowing eyes burning with barely contained fury and frustration. “Why can’t I feel _anything_ about being the cause behind the death of so many innocent people?!”

Genesis was panting by the time he finished, staring at Cloud imploringly. Most likely waiting for Cloud to condemn him like so many other people would have in his situation, as anyone else would do. What kind of person didn’t feel regret about playing a major part in bringing about The End of the World.

Cloud just shrugged at the older man, speaking in a calm, level voice. “You just don’t.” He didn’t have any other words for the ex-SOLDIER; if he didn’t feel something, then he didn’t feel something and there was nothing Cloud could say or do to change that. It may have hurt him to know that the man that played a big part in the destruction of Nibelheim didn’t feel anything over it but then again Reno didn’t feel much of anything about dropping the Sector 7 plate and it seemed that nobody particularly hated the Turk.

“But I should feel _something_!” Genesis insisted, moving until he was almost in Cloud’s lap, staring at him with burning eyes. “I should feel _something_ about hurting you like that.”

“Just because you should feel something doesn’t mean you will,” Cloud reminded the other man, parroting words the ex-SOLDIER had told him. “Knowing you _should_ feel something isn’t going to make you start feeling those things.”

“But doesn’t that make me a _monster_?! The fact that I don’t feel _anything_ about it?!”

Cloud could only shrug in response, “I don’t know.”

Genesis crumpled, face falling before he lowered his head. All the energy left the other man’s body suddenly, leaving him slumped against Cloud’s chest. “How can you say that?” He asked in a broken voice. “ _I don’t get it…_ ”

“It’s ok,” Cloud reassured the other, reaching up to wrap his arms around the ex-SOLDIER’s back. He sunk one of his hands into the other’s long, red hair, pressing Genesis’ against his shoulder. “You’re fine.”

“I am a monster,” Genesis muttered into his shoulder, pressing closer to him. “I should feel _something_.”

Cloud sighed heavily, turning his face into Genesis’ hair. “That fact that you’re freaking out like this, is proof enough that you’re not a monster.” He informed the other, breathing the words into the other’s ear. “I think that means something.”

Genesis remained silent, breaths heavy as he remained pressed against Cloud’s shoulder, letting him run his hand through his hair in a comforting manner.


	2. Pondering a Lack of Change - Strifesodos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time Travel AU fic  
> "Can't you feel any bit of sadness for this situation?"

“Well, yeah,” Cloud answered with a shrug, taking a sip of his drink before continuing. “It’s awful, but we really can’t do anything about it, can we?”

 Genesis sighed. Cloud was correct of course, though he really wished that the younger man wasn’t.

He hated the fact that nothing they did changed anything. No matter how many times they went back or what they did, everything that happened in the first lifetime happened again.

Banora was always destroyed, even though he avidly avoided the town after he left. Angeal sprouted wings and committed suicide, usually via Fair but sometimes Genesis managed to stop the man from getting his student to kill him. Nibelheim burned to the ground, the citizens dead within; sometimes because of Sephiroth, sometimes other means. And Sephiroth lost his mind and tried to destroy the world with Meteor; the reasons why varied widely, though it was usually because of something Hojo did.

It was awful to come back again and again, without knowing why they were doing so, and not be able to save their friends. He was sure that Cloud felt the same way, though the other never said anything about it.

Cloud could never save Fair or his Ancient friend, something that had destroyed the other in the first few cycles. But the other had seemed to grow callous in the past few cycles, speaking to less people outside of him and a few times Cloud had removed himself from events entirely, ignoring the plight of the planet and leaving it up to others to deal with Meteor.

He understood why the other had done so; he had just became so burned out by having their actions amount to absolutely nothing. Cloud had just needed the break.

He also thought that the young man had wanted to see if their absence would have any effect on everything, a thought that he had entertained during a few timelines.

Genesis thought that perhaps he would do something like that in the next timeline, maybe bring Cloud to Banora and tend to the orchards until the town was blown away. Cloud might enjoy that, the younger enjoyed having a tangible impact on things.

He’d talk to the other about it later.

Cloud had picked up his cup once again while he had been thinking, leaving him to his thoughts. Genesis turned to the other, curling himself around the smaller form sitting next to him.

He remained silent, just enjoying the other’s presence while it was here. He was glad that he had Cloud with him for this, he wasn’t sure how much he would have been able to bear if he was alone.

He was sure that the unchanging, repeating timelines would have broken him.


	3. Pondering a Lack of Knowing - Cloud/Rosso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post DoC fic:  
> "I understand you are in pain, but not physically?"

Cloud glanced at the woman kneeling next to him, taking in her confused expression for a moment before turning away. “No, not physically.” He sighed softly, dragging one of his hands down his face. “I’ll get back to things in a minute.”

Rosso shifted to sit in a more comfortable position next to him, fixing him with an intent look. “What is causing you pain?” She asked, peering at him intently.

He shifted awkwardly, turning his gaze away from her for a moment. “It’s… not exactly something I can easily explain.” He began in a hesitant voice, swallowing heavily. “Things like this are… difficult to talk about.”

A soft, considering noise left her throat at his words. “I see,” she eventually said, causing him to turn to stare at her. “It is like how no one wishes to speak about what happened in Deep Ground, no? They’d rather ignore the topic until they no longer can?” She looked pleased to have figured that out on her own, there was a small curl of content to her lips, not quite a smile but close enough.

Cloud stopped himself from saying the thoughtless reassurance that that wasn’t the case and forced himself to consider what she had said. She actually had a point there, they did avoid the topic of what happened in Deep Ground until they were forced to deal with it. They did that with too many things, now that he thought about it; ignoring an issue until they couldn’t anymore and the fact that they ignored it blew up in their faces. It wasn’t the best idea but that didn’t stop them from continuing to do so.

“Yeah,” he admitted in a voice barely above a whisper. “It’s a bit like that.”

She was pleased by his answer, the curl of her lips becoming more prominent as she shifted in place. “Then I shall stay,” she declared, turning her gaze away from him.

“Why?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye for a moment before giving her response. “The woman you force us to speak to said that it is a supportive gesture.” She fixed him with a cautious look then, brows furrowing as she questioned him. “It is, isn’t it? She hasn’t lied to me?”

“I think she knows better than to do that,” he reassured her, amusement colouring his voice as a small smile spread across his face. “She’s probably telling you the truth.”

It seemed to work, she relaxed next to him and remained silent from then on.

They remained that way for several minutes, sitting in silence until Cloud could force himself to stand from his crouched position and return to what he needed to do. It was nice to have someone just sit with him for a while without asking him anything or expecting something from him.

He knew that he needed to talk about everything, but right now wasn’t the time to do it.


	4. Pondering a Lack of Exposure - Strifesodos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crisis Core AU fic:  
> "You can't... feel?"

“… No?” Cloud answered, brow furrowed as he flexed his fingers in front of his face. “I don’t think so?” He leaned back in his bed, fixing Genesis with a hazy look.

“They must have given you the good stuff then.” He informed the trooper, gaze turning to the IV attached to the younger’s arm. The fact that Cloud even needed the pain relief dripping down the line to begin with left a small bit of anger curling in his chest.

“It’s all…” Cloud started, pausing a few moments as he tried to find the right word in his drugged haze. “Weird.” He eventually settled on; nodding to himself, seemingly content with the word.

“Good weird or bad weird?” He asked, voice concerned as he watched Cloud drop his hands to his lap and stare at them with a hazy confusion. He’d be worried about the other if the nurse didn’t tell him that it wasn’t too odd of a reaction to the strong drugs being pumped through Cloud’s system.

Cloud turned to him and stared for a moment before responding. “Your coat looks like it’s trying to eat you.”

He blinked at the younger man, caught off guard by the words. “… That answers that, then.”

Worry was starting to creep into Cloud’s expression, he shifted restlessly in his bed. “Is it supposed to be like this?”

“They told me it might happen because of your size,” Genesis reassured the other, reaching out and threading his fingers through blond hair. “I’ll make sure they note it down for next time.”

“Your big city drugs are awful.” Cloud huffed, leaning back against his pillow. “I hate them.”

“What?” He teased, a warm smile curling his lips. “Nothing like them back in Nibelheim?

“No, we couldn’t afford it.” Cloud answered without hesitation. “If anything happened, I just had to deal with it.”

Cloud was obviously drugged out of his mind, he’d never say anything like this if he wasn’t. The trooper avoided talking about his hometown, as if he didn’t want to even think about it anymore than he had too. Genesis, being a not-so-terrible person, respected Cloud enough to change the subject, despite how curious he was about the subject.

“How are your hands?” He asked, reaching out to grasp one of them with his own. “Still can’t feel anything?”

Cloud turned his gaze to their hands, flexing his fingers within Genesis’ grasp. “No,” the younger eventually answered, raising their hands to eye level. “It’s weird. I can see it’s happening, but I can’t feel anything from this.”

“It’ll come back soon enough,” he assured the drugged-man, pulling their hands towards him so he could press his lips against Cloud’s hand. “Just relax for a bit, alright?”

Cloud blinked at him for a moment, needing a moment to figure out what he was saying. “What are you going to do?” He asked, brows furrowing as he looked at him.

“I’ve got some things that need my attention,” he answered with a shrug, placing Cloud’s hand back on the bed before releasing it. “I’m sure it’ll keep me occupied while you rest.”

“You’re going to do paperwork here?” Cloud’s words held obvious confusion, questioning why the SOLDIER would want to stay here.

“I’m not going to leave you alone in the infirmary,” Genesis informed him, rolling his eyes at the younger man. “I’m not cruel.”

“Ok,” Cloud responded, closing his eyes as he slumped back against the pillow behind him. “I’m gonna sleep until I can feel my hands.”

“You do that, I’ll be here when wake up.” Genesis promised the other, reaching out to brush Cloud’s hair from his face. “Things will be better when you wake up.”


	5. Pondering a Lack of Understanding - Cloud/Rosso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post DoC fic:  
> "No, I am not offended at your insults, I see no purpose in them."

Cloud stared at Rosso as a surprised laugh fell from his mouth. He quickly covered his mouth, trying to muffle the sound but well aware that everyone had already heard the sound. A quick glance showed that the two women were ignoring him and more focused on each other, the civilian glaring while Rosso stared back unimpressed.

“What?” The civilian woman asked, glaring heatedly at the ex-Tsviet.

“I see no purpose in your insults, so I shan’t take offense to them.” Rosso answer was straightforward and uncaring, her words held no infliction in them.

The civilian was enraged by Rosso’s answer but chose not to pursue the argument, instead turning away from them with a glare and a final huff.

They watched her storm away from them, tracking her movements down the street until Rosso turned an expectant look on him.

“I handled that correctly, yes?” She asked, watching him closely as she waited for an answer.

Cloud blinked, turning his attention from the retreating back of the woman to the warrior standing in front of him. “I think you handled that very well,” he informed her, giving her a soft smile. “Good job on not murdering the civilian.”

A pleased smile curved her lips at his words as she turned from him, staring back towards where the woman had stormed off down the street. “I would have destroyed her,” she informed him confidently. “Fighting her would have been more of an insult than what she said.”

“You’re right about that,” he agreed, shaking his head dismissively before turning away. “Come on, we’ve got to finish patrol.”

She followed him silently, easily keeping pace with his strides as he moved through the streets of Edge in the opposite direction than the woman had gone in. They walked several blocks before Rosso spoke up.

“Why did she attempt to insult me?” She asked him, turning towards him suddenly. “I am superior to her in every way.”

“I couldn’t even begin to guess,” he answered, shrugging when she shot him a displeased look. “I have no idea how some people’s minds work.” He defended himself earning a huff from the woman.

“You cannot even hazard a guess?” She questioned him, glaring at him with burning eyes. “Even with all of your experience?”

 “Nope, no idea. Could be anything really.”

She groaned at his answer, turning away from him and focusing her attention on the street in front of her. “You are useless then,” she said, face smoothing with her declaration.

“You only just realized that?” He asked, amusement colouring his words. He glanced down at her but she refused to meet his gaze. “You’d have to ask Tifa about something like that?”

“Why?” She questioned, scowl returning to her face. “So that the barmaid is made aware of further short-comings? No, I think not.”

“Your choice,” Cloud shrugged, halting his steps suddenly as a foreign noise reached his ears. “Sounds like there’s something up ahead, you wanna deal with it?” His question was accompanied by a tilt of his head. Hopefully, Rosso would take the bait so that she could work out her frustrations from not being allowed to murder the woman who had insulted her. It mightn’t work out as he hoped it would, but she’d be happier after a workout.

“It will be dead within moments,” she informed him, bow blade suddenly appearing in her hand. “I will not require assistance.” She shot forward then, faster than the unenhanced eye could see, and disappearing from his sight as she sought out the enemy.

He stared at the place she had disappeared for a moment, waiting a moment before slowly making his way towards where the sounds of battle had just started. Rosso wouldn’t need his help but he wanted to ensure that she didn’t go completely overboard, the fact that he enjoyed watching the ex-Tsviet fight was simply an added bonus.


	6. Pondering a Lack of Regret - Cloud & Tifa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a comment I got from a thinkpiece I made on Tumblr.  
> "Why won't you just get mad at me?!"

Tifa slammed her fist onto the counter, turning a desperate gaze toward the figure that had been sitting silently in the corner all night. Cloud didn’t even twitch at her exclamation; remaining tense and distant in his chair with his gaze turned towards the glossy surface of the table.

He’d been there since he arrived, having strolled into the bar just after midday to shatter everything beneath her feet with a few simple words. _I remember everything._ Those words had filled her with dread as she stared at Cloud trying to gauge his emotional state; the swordsman’s expression had been blank though, not giving anything away at all. He’d moved past her after speaking, retreating to a table in the corner of the bar where he remained for the rest of the day.

It had taken everything she had to continue her day as if nothing had happened, but she was sure that her patrons noticed that something was wrong with her. But the bar was long since closed, everyone but them was gone and she’d been doing everything she could think of to keep herself busy while she waited for Cloud to speak up. He hadn’t spoken up though and she’d finally run out of things to keep occupied with.

She hadn’t meant to yell like, hadn’t meant to lose her cool but Cloud had just been sitting there and she had no idea what he was thinking and everything was spiralling out of her control and she had just… snapped. He hadn’t made any kind of response though, hadn’t reacted to her words so the only thing she could do was continue. “At least say _something_!”

Cloud remained silent and still for several minutes, she had been about to say something else when he shifted a bit in his seat. “There’s not much of a point in getting angry is there?” He didn’t bother to turn to her as he spoke, speaking to the table in front of him in a tone barely above a whisper, but she still heard him as if the words had been shouted in her face.

“Why do you mean by that?” She asked, staring at the back of his head with a stunned look. There was no way that Cloud didn’t have something to say, either about what he remembered or what she had done but definitely _something_.

“You’re not going to apologize for anything,” Cloud said, voice blank and absent of emotions. “You never have before, why would you now?”

She froze at his words, shock filling her chest at what he had implied by those words. He couldn’t believe that, could he? That she wouldn’t be regretful over the way she had hurt him? “Of course, I’ll apologize Cloud,” she said, staring at his back as she tried to make him believe her words. “You just need to talk to me!”

That got Cloud to move. He turned in his chair to glare at her, his blue eyes cold and hard as he stared her down from across the room. His blank expression, combined with his look froze her in place. “Talk to you about what?” He asked, voice a low, dangerous growl. “About how we were never friends at all? About how we never talked?” He stood from his chair in a graceful, inhuman movement, slowly approaching her with heavy, purposeful footsteps. “How about explaining why you lied to me in the first place?”

It took all her willpower not to flinch away from the approaching man; the way he was moving was terrifying her and she was reminded that Cloud wasn’t entirely human, no matter how much he pretended otherwise. She stared him down as he stalked closer to the bar counter, glaring at her over the slim wooden counter but making no moves to physically harm her. She knew he could though; he could decide to attack her and she’d be dead before she had the chance to defend herself.

“I did it because I needed to,” she informed him, keeping her voice firm and level as she addressed him. “It was the best thing to do at the time.”

“The best thing?” He scoffed, mouth twisting in a cruel line. “The best for _you_ , you mean?”

She flinched back at the venomous words that were spat at her, telling Cloud more than any words she could say. “It wasn’t like that,” she tried to say but Cloud cut her off before she could say anything more.

“Oh, really?” His words were furious as he cut her off, no allowing her to finish her excuse. “Because it seems that that is exactly what it was like. You lied to me in order to get me to listen to you and do exactly what you wanted me too.” He planted his fist on the counter with a heavy _thunk_ , almost denting the dense wood under his hand. “Or am I wrong about that?”

She paused, trying to figure out what to say to defuse the situation and make Cloud understand that she had only done what she thought was the best thing at the time. “Cloud –“

“No,” he cut her off once again, anger still strong in his voice. “I don’t want any excuses. I want you to know that I’m not going to come back here, I don’t care what you say to explain it but I’m never returning.” He pushed himself from the counter, turning away from her and striding towards the door.

“You can’t just leave!” The words burst from her throat before she could stop them, causing Cloud to pause in his stride.

“I can.” He responded, not turning to look at her at all. “And I’m leaving now.” He resumed his strides, walking out of the door without another word.


	7. Pondering a Lack of Necessity - Cloud/Rosso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post DoC fic:  
> "Can you teach me how to feel?"

Cloud lifted his gaze from where he was working on Fenrir, blinking at he recognized who was standing in front of him. “What?” He asked, staring at Rosso with a confused expression.

“How to feel.” She repeated, staring down at him from where she stood above him. “Can you teach me?”

“You seem to be doing fine on your own,” he said, confused expression still on his face. He cocked his head as her features twisted in a scowl at his reply. “See? You’re doing great by yourself.”

“You don’t think I’m cold?” She asked, scowl dropping from her face as she took on a concerned expression. “That I’m hard and distant?”

He blinked at her for a moment, turning his form to face her fully before he responded. “You are a bit but then again a lot of people are.” He informed her, taking in the other’s surprised look at his words. “I mean, I’ve been called cold and distant before. It doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Really?” She dropped to the floor next to him, fixing him with a questioning look. “How did you learn to deal with their accusations?”

He shrugged, running his hand through his hair with a sigh. “I just ignored them,” he said, rolling his eyes at her unimpressed look. “It’s not like I did anything amazing,” he scoffed, turning back to face Fenrir. “I just decided that I had better things to do than worry about what some idiots think about me.”

Rosso huffed from beside him before falling silent, watching him work on Fenrir with barely contained energy.

He allowed her to remain there for a few moments before he turned to glance at the woman over his shoulder. “If you’re going to break something, just give me a minute to finish up and we can spar. Alright?”

She grinned at his answer, restless movements ceasing as she nodded her agreement to his deal. He stared at her for a moment to ensure that she was going to behave before turning back to Fenrir, finishing what little he needed to do before he let the woman drag him off to the closest training field.

It probably wasn’t the best way for Rosso to deal with her frustrations but if it worked then Cloud wasn’t going to turn her down when she needed to work out some energy. Anyone who thought Rosso was cold had obviously never seen her in a fight, she was anything but when she had a blade in her hand and an opponent to play with.


	8. Pondering a Lack of Confidence - Genesis & Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I don't know if I can teach something like that... you just kind of, have it?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing these guys friendship. Also awkward Seph is my favourite.

“Oh,” Sephiroth breathed, turning his eyes away from Genesis’ own.

“Don’t look so disappointed,” Genesis said, rolling his eyes at his friend’s antics. Honestly, the other could be such a drama queen sometimes. “It’ll last an hour at most.”

Sephiroth’s mouth twisted into a frown at his words, turning away from his exasperated expression. “I am well aware of the time frame,” he said, barely restraining himself from pouting. “Some assistance would still be appreciated.”

Genesis sighed, staring down at the other for a moment before starting to speak. “I can’t help you decide how to handle the press conference,” he told his friend, flicking his gaze towards the door between them and the people waiting for the chance to speak with Shinra’s poster boy. “Just stay calm and don’t let them freak you out, alright?”

The General huffed a breath, turning an uneasy gaze on the door in question. “You say that like it’s so easy.”

“Just treat them like they’re your SOLDIERs,” Genesis suggested, returning his attention to the other with a shrug. “You’re fine with interacting with them.”

“That’s because I have a set of parameters that must be worked within until the mission is considered complete.” Sephiroth said, unaware of the way his friend rolled his eyes at his worded explanation. “I know what is expected of me and of them and can act accordingly. This situation is completely different.”

“Only if you think of it that way,” he cut in before the other could work himself into a panic, gesturing towards the door as he continued to speak. “You could definitely look at this like a mission.”

“How?”

Genesis ignored the scepticism in his friend’s tone, continuing as if he hadn’t heard the other at all. “Your mission parameters are to go in there and answer the questions you agreed to. Hazards are in the form of questions you have not agreed to. Focus on that and you’ll be fine.” He nodded decisively once he was finished, proud of what he had said.

Sephiroth was watching him quietly, a considering expression on his face. “I…I can do that,” he muttered, blinking slowly before repeating himself in a more confident tone of voice. “I can do that.”

“You definitely can,” Genesis assured, giving his friend an encouraging smile and gesturing towards the door. “It’s only a bit harder than killing monsters.”

Sephiroth nodded one again before pausing to look at him. “You’ll be here right?” He questioned, staring at him imploringly. “You’ll be here when it’s done?”

“I’ll be going on directly after you,” Genesis informed him, curbing the urge to scowl at the reminder. “I’ll be right here waiting for my cue.” It wasn’t anything like Sephiroth’s panel; Genesis had been told to simply sit there and look pretty while saying exactly what he’d been ordered to, nothing like the lovely little questionnaire Sephiroth would be getting. “You’ll have to wait for me in return.”

Sephiroth nodded once again, relaxing where he sat at Genesis’ reassurance. “I’m not going to let you ruin my record.”

Familiarity told him that the other was teasing him in his own way, so Genesis responded in kind. “You won’t fly away and leave me behind? How sweet.” The General was called before he could respond, an assistant lingering in the open door and allowing the general murmur of the next room to reach them. “Looks like your mission’s about to start. Break a leg, General.”

Sephiroth acknowledged his words with a silent gesture, taking a deep breath and preparing himself before he stepped towards the assistant. Gone was the awkward young man of a few moments before, replaced by Shinra’s Silver General.

Genesis relaxed where he sat, confident that Sephiroth would return soon enough with the mission completed to his usual level of perfection.


	9. Pondering a Lack of Humanity - Cloud & Aerith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feat. vaguely inhuman!Cloud  
> 'I can feel your warmth on the outside, but the inside is still black.'

“We were bred for combat,” he reminded the human female, staring down at her with hard blue eyes. “We were designed for perfection in our tasks, nothing less.”

Big green eyes roll at his words, “that sounds silly,” the other’s voice implying how foolish she thought his words to be. Cloud did not react, uncaring of what this civilian thought of his and his kins’ design. “You have to care about something, it’s one of those human-things nobody likes to talk about.”

He blinked at her, the words she said washing over him without any kind of reaction. “We are above humans,” he informed her, repeating what he was sure she had already been told. “We are not of your ilk, nor will we ever be.”

She paused at his words, staring at him without comment for several minutes until she finally said something. “You can’t possibly believe that,” she said in disbelief, brow furrowing as she spoke. “That you’re not human.”

“We were designed in the guise of humans, nothing more than that. We may share an appearance but nothing more than that.”

She looked vaguely disturbed by his words, turning her eyes away from him as her teeth sunk into her lip. He stared at her blankly, waiting for her to decide that this conversation was over so that he could return to the duties he had been given for the day. His handlers had ordered him to work with her for the day as one of their first attempts at integrating their two units into a cohesive whole.

They had been attempting to do so for years but it was only recently that they had gotten anywhere with their plans, the past few attempts had failed due to the humans being unable to handle working so closely with something so similar but so different from themselves. They feared that they would do something cruel to them due to their inability to feel like humans did and more often than not turned against the unit they were supposed to be working with in various levels of violence.

His kin had reacted according, knowing that they’d be decommissioned if they didn’t fight back to protect themselves. The humans hadn’t survived their transgressions against his kin and the distrust against them only increased with each attack.

This human, introduced as a half-Cetra which meant nothing to Cloud, had volunteered to work with him on their next attempts of integrating them into working with the humans in their duties. She was a decent fighter though she seemed to specialise in healing magic over offense skills; that didn’t mean that she was unable to use her staff though, she was very competent with her weapon of choice.

She was insistent of speaking with him though, forcing him into conversation after each battle for a few moments before she inevitably gave up and allowed them to continue with their mission. She hadn’t let her previous failures deter her though, continuing to attempt to speak with him at the end of each fight.

“Are you ready to continue?” He asked, drawing her attention back to himself.

“Yes,” she answered with a steady nod, fixing him with her large eyes. “I’m not ready to call this quits yet.”

Cloud was certain that he knew what she was speaking about but as it didn’t affect their mission it wasn’t important enough to question. He turned away from her and began to stride away from where she was standing, towards the next location they needed to check on. She caught up to him quickly, walking next to him silently as they made their way through the city.

He decided that he didn’t mind her presence, she was not an awful human and was not terrible to be around. He wouldn’t mind having more missions with her, even if she was determined to speak with him about foolish subjects and things that made no sense to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to go think about an AU with vaguely inhuman!SOLDIERs being manufactured by Shinra instead of being enhanced humans. Kinda like a Ghost in the Shell thing... I think.


	10. Pondering a Lack of  Companionship - Genesis & Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth & Genesis friendship fluff.  
> 'I want you to know what it feels like.'

Sephiroth stared at his friend, the look on the older man’s face combined with the way the other’s words had trailed off unnerved him. “I don’t know what you mean by that,” he said, staring at the skin just above his friend’s eye as he ignored the strip of fabric in his hands.

“It won’t be anything bad,” Genesis assured him, voice steady and unwavering. “But it needs to be a surprise.” Sephiroth’s gaze moved from his friend’s face to the plain, black fabric on display in the other’s hands. Genesis had never done anything to hurt him, would never do anything to hurt him, but he couldn’t stop the unease the piece of fabric inspired in him.

“You swear that nothing bad will happen?” He asked, focusing on the way Genesis’ hands fidgeted with the fabric. He heard Genesis sigh softly but didn’t lift his gaze to attempt to read the other’s expression, his friend’s expressions often confused him and attempting to figure out what they meant left him exhausted and frustration.

“I swear by the Goddess.” Genesis stated, voice level and steady. Sephiroth knew that the Goddess was something that meant a lot to his friend and that meant that Genesis was serious about what he said, at least it did by past standards.

Sephiroth decided that his friend didn’t have any ill-intentions about whatever he was planning to do. “Can I put it on myself?” He asked with a gesture to the fabric still held within the other’s grasp, while he was sure that he could trust Genesis not to put him into an unpleasant situation he would feel much more comfortable if he could put the blindfold on himself.

“Of course you can,” Genesis said, holding the fabric out to him while grasping either end of the fabric.

Sephiroth took the fabric from his friend’s grasp, gazing at the material once it was in his own hands. “You are sure that I have to wear this?” He asked once more, staring at the black fabric as he twisted it in his hands.

“Yes.”

“Alright,” Sephiroth responded, slowly lifting the blindfold to his head and settling the fabric over his eyes. His mouth twisted in distaste as he securely tied the material over his hair and leaving him in darkness, he could still hear his friend standing in front of him but the loss of his primary sense was disconcerting at the least.

“You alright?” Genesis asked, shifting audibly in front of him as he made his inquiry. “You’ll need to step across the hall to my apartment.”

“I know,” he responded, remembering what Genesis had explained to him earlier. “I can do that.”

“Alright,” Genesis stated, voice shifting a bit as he stepped back away from him. “Come on, this will be good.”

He nodded silently, slowly following his friend’s lead as the other walked out of his apartment and into his own across the hall from his. He heard the door open in front of him and stepped through after Genesis, stopping in what he thought was the middle of his friend’s living room.

Genesis moved around him closing the door behind him before moving away from him, “just wait there a moment,” he said, voice coming from somewhere across the room. “I’ll be one second.”

He hummed softly, waiting patiently for his friend’s return. Genesis returned a moment later, accompanied by a second smaller set of breaths. He cocked his head but remained silent as he waited for his friend to say something, either to ask him to do something more or say it was fine for him to remove the blindfold.

“Alright,” Genesis muttered, voice softer than before but much closer. “Can I touch?”

The question caught him off guard for a moment and he took a moment to think it through before deciding that he was currently fine with his friend initiating physical contact. “Yes,” he nodded, after he had prepared himself.

Genesis’ hand grasped just above his covered wrist, a warm weight above his sleeve as he directed his arm to a lifted position and gently lowered his hand onto something.

Sephiroth felt his breath leave him for a moment at the sensation that met his bare fingers, it was soft and warm and seemed to be vibrating as a quiet noise reached his ears. His hand remained where Genesis had placed it for a few moments before he hesitantly flexed his fingers into the soft warmth and began to move them in a gentle pattern. The vibrating increased under his touch and the noise grew in volume until he could identify it as purring.

“You can take it off now,” Genesis informed him, his voice still soft and quiet.

Sephiroth’s free hand rose to tug the material free from where he had placed it, ignoring the way it fluttered to the ground in light of the small creature he opened his eyes to see. It was small and black, standing out against the warm colour of Genesis’ shirt and staring at him with trusting blue eyes. His hand had been placed on its small back and he’d been petting the soft fur there, a small noise had him continuing the action of his hands which caused the small creature to start purring once again.

“She’s yours if you want her,” Genesis informed him after several moments of just letting him gently run his hand over the small form, the kitten had since abandoned its perch in Genesis’ hold for his. “I thought you might like another friend.”

Sephiroth blinked at his friend’s words, lifting his gaze from the kitten to gaze at the other. “I… don’t know how to look after her.” He admitted, he’d never been allowed a pet by the Science Department and had no idea where to even begin with looking after the kitten.

“I picked up a few books and printed off some things,” Genesis said, gesturing to the stack of paper, books and pamphlets seated on the middle of his table. “And I can help if you really need it.”

He bit his lip, debating whether he should accept his friend’s gift or not. The kitten in his hold butted against his hand, demanding his attention once again and he found himself nodding to himself, decision made.

“If you’ll help me, then I’d like to keep her.” He said, speaking at the kitten instead of his friend.


	11. Pondering a Lack of Emotion - Cloud & Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creature!Sephiroth giving Cloud the hard questions.  
> "Is it nice to have feelings?"

 

“Nope.” Cloud hadn’t even lifted his head from his magazine as he responded to the man in front of him, more interested in the review of the newest model of Shinra’s motorcycle line than Sephiroth’s sudden appearance in his living room. He heard the other shift, the audible sound of moving leather reaching his ears as he moved somewhere out of his line of sight.

He had been surprised the first time it happened, who wouldn’t be surprised by a giant feathered man appearing in their house without warning, but after what must have been the hundredth time, he was used to it. Sephiroth didn’t have a grasp of things like personal space or human social boundaries even after Cloud had tried to explain it to him, he didn’t hold it against him though, he knew that Sephiroth didn’t mean to offend him.

Cloud looked up when he felt the other’s soft wings brush against him as he perched himself on the other side of his couch, resisting the urge to recoil from the wash of despondence and a bone-deep despair than ran through him at the contact. He was used to Sephiroth’s ability to influence emotions with his feathery limbs, the other tried to keep his wings under control but couldn’t always manage it. Cloud found it somewhat ironic that something that couldn’t feel anything could influence such strong emotions in others.

He pushed his thoughts from his mind and focused on the other, noticing the way Sephiroth was staring blankly at the wall in front of him. “Why do you ask?” Cloud questioned, pushing himself up in his seat as he peered at the other. Sephiroth didn’t ask things like that, at least he hadn’t in the time that Cloud had known him; the other was hundreds of years older than Cloud, he couldn’t begin to imagine what the other was like before he had met him.

“I was only curious,” Sephiroth answered, wings fanning out from his back as his shoulders relaxed from their tense position. Cloud tucked his legs closer to himself when a few feathers settled near his ankle and brushed against his skin with each of Sephiroth’s breaths.

Cloud stared at the other for a moment, knowing that it had to be more than that; Sephiroth didn’t ask things because he was ‘just curious’. He didn’t know how to get the other to admit whatever it was to him though so he decided to expand on his original answer for the other. “Feelings are kind of a mess,” he started, focusing his gaze on the couch beneath them. He saw the feathers in front of him tense at his words, stilling their movements and curling back towards Sephiroth’s form. “Their strong and confusing and sometimes I just have to stop for a few minutes to work through them because they just show up out of nowhere.” He knew he was probably scowling at his couch but he couldn’t wipe the expression from his face.

“Who would want that?” Sephiroth muttered softly, barely audible to Cloud’s ears. Cloud assumed that he hadn’t meant to say that aloud, something that occurred more often than not with the other man.

Not wanting to only talk about the negatives, he added more to his answer. “But there’s a lot of people that have completely different experiences than I do,” he said, drawing Sephiroth’s attention back to him. “A lot of people like having feelings, not everyone has such a tough time with them.”

Sephiroth, looking quite a bit relieved at his words, nodded and relaxed next to him. Cloud blinked at the other for a moment but remain silent, leaning back where he sat and returning his attention to the article he had been reading. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of this was that two of Sephiroth's kin (hint hint) had descended into humanity and after spotting them on the mortal plain he was left wondering why they had decided to fall.


	12. Pondering a Lack of Emotional Experience - Cloud & Sephiroth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a sequel to Chapter 11: Pondering a Lack of Emotion  
> 'Sometimes feelings aren't all that great... ish'

“Hate to say I told you so,” Cloud said, approaching the form curled up on his couch. He’d been expecting something like this to happen but not really like this, with Sephiroth curled as small as he could be on his couch with his eyes hidden from view and voice lost and sorrowful. “You want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know what I could even say,” Sephiroth answered, irritation leaking into his voice as his fists tightened in his hair. “I do not understand what these _feelings_ are or how to explain them.”

Cloud stared at the other, pausing at the words he was saying. He had expected this as well, he’d known Sephiroth long enough to know how different the new addition of feelings and emotions would be for the other. To suddenly go from being an uncaring being to a mere human was a shock for the other, it would have been difficult even if Sephiroth had chosen this for himself instead of it being forced on him. “Let’s just talk,” he suggested, moving to sit on the other side of his couch from Sephiroth. “Try to figure some things out.”

Sephiroth lifted his face to fix him with a stare, his green, cat-like eyes pinning Cloud in place. Cloud was surprised that Sephiroth had been allowed to keep the inhuman looks of his eyes and hair when everything else that had set him apart from a human had been stripped away. The loss of his large feathered wing managed to somehow make the tall man appear smaller, not helped by the way he remained curled on the opposite side of the couch. “Do you believe that that will help?”

Cloud blinked at the other’s words, quickly dismissing the thought that Sephiroth knew the tone his voice had taken with his words. “It can’t hurt,” he responded, relaxing back against the side of the couch and stretching out across the length of it until his bare foot was just shy of brushing against the man. “I always feel at bit better after talking about things.”

Sephiroth stared at him for a moment, blinking at him slowly as he decided what he wanted to do. Cloud closed his own eyes, content to wait for the other to take the time he needed before he reached a decision. The tall man had always been thoughtful, slowly thinking through the pros and cons of a decision before he made them.

He kept his eyes closed when he felt the ouch shift under Sephiroth’s weight as the other moved, his breathing stuttering as he felt the other move to copy his position next to him. He cracked his eye open once he was sure that the other had finished moving, observing how close he was to his personal space before focusing on the way Sephiroth’s brow was furrowed as he returned his gaze.

“Is it alright if I do this?” He asked, still unaware of personal space and normal social conventions. Cloud shifted to his side until he could fix his whole gaze on the other, shifting to a position that he would be comfortable in for an extended amount of time.

“I’m fine with it,” Cloud answered with a shrug, watching the way Sephiroth’s whole frame relaxed next to him with his answer. “Other people might not be though, so be careful of that.”

Sephiroth nodded, storing the information away for later as he reached out for the familiar contact of Cloud’s small hand in his. “I understand,” he said, resting their clasped hands on the couch between them.

Cloud remained silent then, waiting for Sephiroth to arrange his thoughts until he was ready to start talking to him. He might not be able to do much for the man but he was determined to help him as much as he could with trying to adjust to life as a human.


	13. Pondering a Lack of Detail - Cloud & Nero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post DoC AU thing.  
> 'I see no need to have emotions, they're wasted and only serve to cloud judgement'

“That is an extremely narrow-minded view,” Cloud said, continuing to sort through the papers in front of him. “But if that’s the way you see it then I won’t judge you.” He found the page he was looking for, picking it up and turning back to Nero. “Doesn’t answer the question though.”

“It… does not?” The other asked, head cocked the slightest bit as he peered at him with magenta eyes. He was standing in the most shadowed part of the room, preferring the dark corners even after so long out of Deep Ground. Cloud decided not to bother with that fight, it was hard enough to get him out of his former uniform and convince him not to murder every person that looked at him for longer than a few seconds. Lurking in the darkest parts of a room was fine by those standards.

“Nope,” Cloud answered. “I wanted to know if you were feeling up for a trip to Junon, I’ve got to deliver something there for Reeve.”

“Ah,” Nero breathed, dropping his gaze away from Cloud’s at the realization of his mistake. “My apologies on confusing the question, I did not initially understand what you meant by ‘feeling up to’; I assumed you were talking about emotions.”

“It’s fine,” Cloud assured him, waving off the apology. “So, you wanna come to Junon with me?” He asked once again, directing Nero back to the original topic of conversation.

“You truly believe that I would be ready for such a trip?” Nero questioned in return, meeting Cloud’s gaze with a level look. He stared at Cloud as he waited for an answer, obviously doubting the sincerity of his question.

“You’re as ready as you can be,” Cloud said with a shrug. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“I… would appreciate the chance to accompany you,” Nero answered after a few moments of silence. “I have yet to see the ocean, I would like to.”

“Alright, we’re leaving now,” Cloud said, turning to leave the office. “Get your things and I’ll meet you by Fenrir, Reeve’s expecting us.” He heard Nero leave the room behind him, his quiet footsteps nearly inaudible to his enhanced ears

“I have my weapons on me,” Nero informed him, unable to see the way Cloud rolled his eyes at the words. Of course, Nero had his weapons on him, they had removed his metal wings but that hadn’t stopped him from carrying an unimaginable number of guns of his person.

“I’ll grab my swords and meet you by Fenrir then,” Cloud said, changing his words for what the other had told him. “We don’t have a helmet for you yet, so you’ll have to make due until we get you one.”

“I will manage,” Nero informed him, moving past him to descend the stairs and enter the garage to wait for Cloud. Cloud watched him go with a soft sigh, shaking the thoughts from his head and picking up First Tsurugi from where he had left it.

This could either go very well, or awfully.


	14. Pondering a Lack of Skill - Cloud & Genesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you not want to feel happiness and joy?

“I will,” the human responded from where he was seated on the couch, reading and ignoring Cloud’s presence. “The next part of the series is being released next month and I’ve been looking forward to it for months.”

“But…” Cloud struggled to find something to say, he’d been here for almost an hour trying to tempt the human and had run out of things to offer. A defeated sigh left his mouth and he dropped his head into his hands, it always ended up like this. He was never going to be able to get this right.

“Ah, it’s alright.” There were arms around him suddenly, pulling him into a firm chest. The words were cooed in his ear in a teasing tone, the human was laughing at him. “It’s not your fault I gave up on all my giant, childish dreams already. Perhaps you just need to try aiming for a more optimistic crowd.”

Cloud almost found himself sinking into the human’s warmth but pulled back before he could do so, or at least he attempted to. The human’s grip was tight, keeping him in place even as he weakly struggled against him.

“Hush now,” the human huffed, keeping him firmly in place. “You’re freezing, take it while you can.”

Cloud slumped against the human, accepting that he would be unable to break out of his grip. He was the worse demon ever; he couldn’t make a deal, couldn’t get out of a human’s grip, couldn’t do anything right. The elders would be so disappointed if they could see him now.

“There you go,” the human cooed, reaching out to pick up his book and opening it back to his page. “Things will work out, you little idiot.”

“How can you be sure?” Cloud asked, voice muffled by the fabric of the human’s shirt. How could he be so certain? Cloud had been trying to succeed in his existence for the past decade and still hadn’t gotten anywhere.

“Either you’ll figure things out by accident or on purpose but eventually you’ll find a way that works for you.”

Cloud scoffed into the human’s shirt but remained silent, unable to think of a response to the human’s words. The elder demon he had accompanied to the human world would return once their own business was done to return them to their own realm, so he could spend some time soaking up the human’s warmth.


	15. Pondering a Lack of Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your emotions are very curious, how do they work?

Cloud shrugged in reply, shoulders moving awkwardly under the intent gaze of the older boy next to him. His mother had found him wandering in the forest outside of town and brought him home with her, he hadn’t been able to tell them anything about himself besides his name; Sephiroth.

His mother had bundled Sephiroth in their warmest blankets before leaving the house to try to find out where the older boy had come from, leaving Cloud behind to look after him. The other boy had been quiet, running his gaze over the room before focusing on Cloud.

Cloud had shuffled uncomfortably under the intense gaze, trying to focus on the book in front of him. It was difficult to do with the other staring at him with his weird green eyes, he had been about to try talking to the other when Sephiroth had broken the silence himself.

Cloud couldn’t really understand what the other boy was talking about, he asked a lot of questions that Cloud didn’t know the answer to and jumped from topic to topic seemingly without any connection between them. That question had been the latest in the other’s long line of questioning and Cloud had been reduced to silent answers, Sephiroth didn’t seem to be upset with his lack of verbal response though; he’d merely nodded before casting his gaze over the room once again.

Cloud waited for a few moments, preparing himself for Sephiroth’s next question but he dropped his gaze back to the book in his hands when the other remained silent.

“Why am I wrapped up in these blankets?” Cloud blinked at the question, lifting his head to gaze at Sephiroth. The other wasn’t looking at him, his eyes focused on the fabric wrapped tightly around him. His arms were trapped within the blankets leaving him sitting on the couch in a large bundle.

Cloud knew that he could answer this question, it was something his mother had drummed into him since he was a kid. “You’re supposed to stay warm in winter,” he answered, repeating her words. “The blankets will help with that.”

“They’re for heat?” Sephiroth questioned, turning his gaze to Cloud. “Is that why I’m trapped within them? For extra heat?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding along with his words. “Ma probably thought your clothes wouldn’t keep you warm enough so she gave you the blankets.” Ma knew how to keep warm, she’d lived in Nibelheim forever and she made sure that Cloud knew the best ways to avoid freezing to death. Sephiroth’s parents, whoever they were, obviously had no idea how to survive how here in the winter; the other boy’s clothing wasn’t suited for the cold weather of Nibelheim at all, they were too loose and thin to retain warmth or block out the winds.

“I see,” the other muttered, relaxing where he sat. “Thicker clothing is needed in colder climates, I will remember this.” Cloud blinked at the odd words but Sephiroth didn’t notice his confusion, shifting in place before continuing to speak. “What are you reading?”

Cloud flicked his gaze between the book in his hand and the other boy watching him curiously and shrugged to himself, shifting over to sit down next to the other. He didn’t understand a lot of what the other was talking about but maybe Sephiroth would want to read with him. “It’s an adventure story, it’s about a boy who …”


	16. Pondering a Lack of Kindness - Sephiroth, Mama Stirfe, Cloud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ve never felt loved, have you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I ever do a variant of ‘Sephiroth doesn’t destroy Nibelheim’, it’s because Mama Strife knocked him out (never mind that she was actually trying to kill him and it didn’t work).

Sephiroth blinked as the soft words reached his ears. He was… somewhere that wasn’t his room at the Inn nor was it his room at Shinra, he didn’t know where he was or what he had been doing before this. He was sure that he’d been doing something important, but he couldn’t remember what that could have been.

He feels a hand running through his hair and twitches minutely, trying to discover who was touching him. An older woman steps into his field of vision, watching him with soft, kind blue eyes. He relaxed under her touch, allowing her to continue her ministrations; she looked like the trooper Zack was friends with.

That was right, he was in Nibelheim. Zack’s trooper friend was from here and he’d asked for permission to visit his mother during the down time of their mission, which was…

Which was…

What had he been doing before he woke up here?

Something was scratching at his mind, trying to get him to remember what had brought him here. It was there, telling him that he was missing _something_ , but he couldn’t grasp the thought. He decided to ignore the thoughts, if he was unable to remember on his own than he should focus on finding Zack and asking his Lieutenant about what had happened to put him in this state.

Perhaps Zack could inform him as to why he was here instead of in his room at the Inn, if he couldn’t tell him about anything else. “M-My Lieutenant,” he croaked, flinching at the awful sound his voice was in his own ears.

The woman’s hand shifted his hair away from his face, giving him an unreadable look as she answered him. “Your friend said he needed to make a call, but he’ll be back as soon as he’s done,” her words were still soft, easy on his ears. He was glad that Zack was being professional while he was unconscious, he needed to remind himself that Zack was more competent than most gave him credit for; he was his Lieutenant for a reason.

He nodded in reply, eyes falling shut as he relaxed on the soft mattress under him. Zack was taking care of things, he was fine to rest for a bit longer. The feeling of fingers running through his hair was a soothing one he hadn’t experienced before, he wanted to enjoy it a bit longer…

* * *

 

Cloud’s head shot up when his Ma emerged from his room, the only place in the house they had to keep the General in. Zack was still talking to whoever he needed to outside, leaving him the only one for his Ma to talk to.

“You alright?” He asked her when he noticed the troubled look on her face, standing up from where he was sitting. She waved his concern away though, gesturing for him to retake his seat as she approached to sit next to him.

“Was what that SOLDIER told me true?” She asked him, staring at him intently. “That that young man was raised in one of Shinra’s labs?” Cloud nodded in response, Zack knew more about the General than he did so he was going to trust Zack’s word on this. She sighed heavily, shoulders slumping as she ran her hand over her suddenly exhausted features. “That poor boy,” she breathed into her hand, “no wonder he lost himself for a bit.”

Cloud remained silent unsure of what to say in response, even if Sephiroth had been raised by monsters that didn’t give him reason to start attacking Nibelheim; who knows what would have happened if his Ma hadn’t knocked him out when she did.

“You’re not going to go back there, are you?” She asked suddenly, staring at him in concern. “You can’t possibly stay there after everything that’s happened.” Cloud fixed her with a serious look, listening to her words. She was right of course, he couldn’t go back there after everything they’d found in the basement of the mansion and what Zack had told him.

“I’m not Ma,” he answered, his words allowing her to relax where she sat. “But I don’t think we’ll be able to stay.”

“Of course, you won’t!” She replied, shaking her head at him. “All three of you will have to stick together to avoid Shinra.” That was only if Zack and the General decided that he wouldn’t be a liability to them, but he kept his thoughts to himself and allowed her to continue. “Look after each other, alright?”

“Don’t you worry, Ms Strife,” Zack said, cutting Cloud off by suddenly joining the conversation. “I’ll make sure that Spike’s looked after and I’m sure he’ll do the same for us.” Zack fixed Cloud with a wide, easy-going smile, confidence dripping off every word and leaving Cloud no other choice but to believe the SOLDIER.

“Good,” Ma answered, gesturing towards the ajar door leading to where the General rested. “He was awake and asking for you a few moments ago, think he’ll be up again in about a half-hour.”

Zack nodded at her words, smile dropping into a more solemn look as he moved past them into the room to watch over the General. Cloud watched him go, trying in vain to fight down the feeling of uselessness in his chest.

He needed to focus on the here and now instead of the ‘what ifs’, they didn’t matter and would only serve to distract him in the weeks ahead. His Ma was right, he’d need to keep his head on his shoulders if he planned to avoid Shinra.

All he had to focus on was surviving until the inevitable day that the SOLDIERs decided that they were better off without him.


	17. Pondering a Lack of Attachment - Cloud & Nero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t understand the concept of ‘love’. “

“That’s what you want to talk about?” Cloud asked, peering at Nero from across the fire. They were a few miles outside of Junon delivering something there for Reeve and Cloud decided that it’d be best to camp out for the night rather than risk an accident on the dark roads, Nero hadn’t offered an opinion either way so they had quickly set up camp for the night.

He hadn’t expected the ex-Tsviet to want to talk about much that night but the young man had surprised him, speaking up unexpectedly about an hour after they had eaten. His soft voice broke the quiet of the night, audible to Cloud’s ears even over the sounds of the fire situated between them.

His enhanced vision allowed him to see the other in the darkness, picking out his form resting just at the edge of light cast by the flames. Only the subtle glow of magenta eyes would have been visible to someone without SOLDIER-level enhancements.

Nero was still across from him, staring at him as he waited for Cloud to begin explaining what ‘love’ was. The younger man certainly did like to force him to answer tough questions, didn’t he?

“Loves pretty difficult to explain,” Cloud started, leaning back and turning his gaze to the star-spattered sky above them. “It comes in as many forms as there are people in the world and its different for everyone, it can even change over your lifetime.” He paused, frustration rapidly rising in him as he tried to explain what love what. He turned back to Nero, eyes narrowing as he questioned the other. “Why are you asking about this, anyway?”

He either missed Cloud’s evident frustration or ignored it completely as he answered. “Being unable to understand love makes one viable to be ostracized and shunned by society at large,” Nero said, tone blank as he met Cloud’s gaze across the fire. “I have no wish to be cast out for my inability to understand something like this.”

Cloud heaved a soft breath, deflating where he sat as he listened to Nero’s words. “You don’t need to worry about me throwing you out,” he tried to reassure the other.

“That’s what you believe now,” Nero returned, voice remaining level and unchanging. “You mightn’t believe so when your companions order you otherwise.”

Cloud huffed softly, choosing not to argue with the other for the moment. He fell silent for a few moments, trying to figure out a better way of explaining love to the other man. He wasn’t the best with words but hopefully he could explain enough to help Nero a bit.

“It’s… wanting someone to be happy and wanting to do whatever you can to make that happen, even if it’s only small things.” Cloud said, running his hand through his hair awkwardly. “It’s doing things for them, even if it’s not something you enjoy. It’s… being infuriated by someone and wanting to spend time with them anyway and being able to spend hours with them without saying anything. Wanting to protect them even if they don’t need it…” He trailed off again, trying to figure out what more he could say about it to make more sense to the ex-Tsviet. It would have been better for Nero if he had asked anyone else but him…

“Is that what you’ve experienced?” Nero questioned, cocking his head slightly as he processed what Cloud was trying to tell him.

“Yeah.”

“… There are other kinds of ‘love’, aren’t there? Do they all feel different?”

Cloud’s brows furrowed as he tried to answer the other without confusing either of them. “There’s a lot of kinds of love, and while each one’s a little bit different from each other, they’ve got a lot of similarities between them.” He paused for a moment, considering his words before he listened a few for Nero. “Familiar, friendship, brothers-in-arm; it just depends on the individual person, really.”

Nero was silent across from him, but it was different from his previous silence. Cloud focused on the other, concern rising in his chest at the unnatural stillness in the other’s form. He was about to say something when Nero said something that stopped him in place.

“I loved my brother,” Nero breathed, the barely audible words causing Cloud to freeze momentarily before he found himself kneeling in front of the other. He pulled the other’s stiff form to his chest, ready to release him at a moment’s notice if Nero wished him to. Nero didn’t seem to notice his actions, remaining stiff and unmoving in his hold as a slight waver broke his voice when he repeated his statement.

Cloud tightened his grip on the younger male, staying silent as he felt Nero breathe in a ragged breath. He didn’t have any words for the other, there wasn’t anything that he could say to Nero, he could only remain there, a quiet, supporting warmth for the young man who was more human than most gave him credit for.


End file.
